The legacy of Timmy! will never be done justice by mere words.
However, in order to spread the gospel of his greatness we
must humbly resort to the characters of mere mortals, in hopes
that Timmy! will forgive us for any shortcomings in our praises.
The history of Timmy! is as follows, comprised of legend (and
direct quotes, for that matter) gleaned from the old Funk
site and eyewitness accounts from those who knew Him:
During
a late-night drive after Sectionals a few years ago, a light
shone down on the road--a light illuminating....Timmy!
Yes, this lone construction barrel, tired of his roadside
life, was signaling his desire for freedom. While his
rescuers must remain nameless lest PennDOT not interpret his
"liberation" quite so...liberally, we can tell you
that it involved some scurrying and a Jeep. In this
clandestine way, Timmy was born.
Once freed, a christening awaited Timmy. The christening
was nothing more than a magic marker to give Timmy! a face,
a Russian flag, a Gettysburg T-shirt, and some shoes--but
this was enough to allow us to see the greatness that lay
within. After this point, Timmy! was lonely for some
time, trapped in a fraternity's garage, but one glorious day
PFF held a Bring Your Own Timmy! tournament, with a Timmy!
as part of the entrance fee, and our Timmy! was able to finally
reunite with his long-lost bretheren.
Unfortunately,
that tournament is also where the official history of Timmy!
must end. After the tournament, PFF "forgot"
to bring Timmy! back home, and Timmy! was unfortunately "detained"
at some point during the night. We have not seen or
heard from our orange-and-white-striped brother since.
Even
so, there is still hope. While those who first discovered
Timmy's greatness have long since graduated, somewhere, in
some dark (literally) corner of south-central Pennsylvania,
Timmy!'s orange light of support still blinks intermittently,
providing inspiration for generations of Funksters to come.
